The day started out with me accompanying Breanna to Core Class 101
at Granger Community Church. Mark Beeson did a stellar job as always and
I could see that Breanna was truly paying attention. I was impressed by her
decision to attend the class and take her next step toward church membership.
The first session lasted an hour and 45 minutes and I will not forget the comment
that Breanna said as we walked out in the hall. “Whoa, I never really understood
that before.” The first session, Mark takes 35 – 45 minutes and summarizes the bible
from Genesis to Revelation and truly explains salvation, or substitionary atonement.
I wont forget that comment because:
a) I thought she already understood that
b) (and the reason for “a”)she spent two years going through CCD classes (her father’s family is Catholic)
It amazed me that my assumption was wrong…and that two years of CCD teaching (which I know she retained because I have heard her repeat the teachings to other people) did not help her to understand the gift that Christ gave us.
After core class we ran into my pal Amanda who found the interaction between Breanna and I worthy of a reality show…I am not sure if that is a good thing or not. Amanda also had to make me feel rather ignorant by showing me that I really CAN send a text message on my phone.
However, my regret of the day are a couple of comments I made while Breanna and Amanda were speaking about parents – fathers in particular that probably made no sense and probably sounded really BAD to anyone (like Amanda) who did not understand the background of the comments.
Completely out of context and it is not meant for you to understand them at this particular moment, but the comments were:
“I sware it was the month that he was cute”
“He served his purpose”
Almost as soon as I uttered the second one, I thought…what the H, E, double hockey sticks am I saying!?!?
Breanna and I have had conversations about her father, (for those who do not know, my husband is not her father but has been in her life since before she was 2) some of them lighter than others.
She once asked me how I could have ever found her father attractive, and as a flip comment
the “I sware it was the month that he was cute.” comment came out of my mouth.
Which of course brought up the deeper question of how I only dated him for roughly a month and ended up pregnant. I was not even dating him any longer when I found out that I was pregnant. Which brought up me explaining that her father and I met when I was very confused about life and love and was heartbroken over someone else and quite frankly I was full of emotions and needed an outlet for them and at the time basically her father unwittingly played proxy for that person in my life. I claimed to and believed that I loved him and engaged in a physical relationship with him. Finally I woke up to what I was doing and we mutually ceased interacting….for a while.
Which of course brought up the…was I a mistake question that children of unplanned pregnancies inevitably will have. I explained that though she was not planned, she was not a mistake. She was a surprise. If I did not want her, I had options. I could have put her up for adoption or had an abortion. I chose to have her and keep her because I felt that she was meant to be in my life and not once did I doubt that. Hence her father served his purpose in my life…to take part in creating the gift of my beautiful Breanna.
I never claim to have always made good choices in my life, but deciding to give birth to and raise Breanna was one of best.
Breanna enjoyed talking to Amanda and gave her extra points for liking her snake and decided to hang out with her for a few hours to help set up some things for services later as well as be co-conspirator to freaking out Lindsay by surprising her with the snake. Apparently mission was accomplished and Breanna had a great time hanging out with Amanda. While I went and visited my friends Paul and Jen.
I gathered my daughter and her snake…
(by the way, in case you had not figured this out, Akuji went with us today
because Breanna had heard that Julie had wanted to meet him and she loves to show him off)
…and we stopped by the mall to pick up snake food (a mouse) and had some fun conversation about things she learned in Core Class that relate to her current life, such as “Voting creates division” which has really affected a club she has been trying to get started in her school. It opened a door for me to offer to offer (yes I meant to say that twice) my suggestions which ended up with her wanting to know if she could ask her club sponsor to let me be a guest speaker at their next club meeting. I don’t care for public speaking but if someone wants me speak on a topic I am comfortable with, and that person has my unconditional love…I think I could bite the bullet.
We also had a conversation about how I think that left solely up to men, the world would not have made as much forward progression as it has. Not that men are not important to the progression but I have found many personal examples in relationships and in the workplace where the women have been the catalyst for change…just an observation.
…..and then I dropped Breanna off at work.