Have you ever broken up with someone and felt the pain and grief of that loss?
Have you ever considered that you can have a committed relationship to unhealthy feelings and thoughts?
Well, I hadn’t…until recently. I won’t give my emotions a fun name like “Mr. I.M. Steamy” so I am simply going to call them what they are: Fear and Anger. So, i guess I was double dipping, playing the field. Couldn’t commit to either of them…that should have been a sign that BOTH of them had to go. At times Fear and Anger are healthy and appropriate, but I apparently am having a secret affair with them, and it is an unhealthy affair.
Today, I broke up with them.
On my way to work. I gave them up to God, and cried like crazy while driving. I expect that like most unhealthy relationships, I will attempt to revisit Fear and Anger…they have been a part of me for so long that it is gonna take some time to move on, but I am going to have to continue to refocus on God and trust that He will steer me in the right direction.
Music has always been a way for me to connect with God, and this song was first to play on the CD that I had in the van…and WOW did it really connect. So, this is the song that I played and sang over and over all the way to work and I was singing it to God. My words to Him, played out in a song by A Fine Frenzy, it is called Near to You. This particular video really shows how my Fear and Anger divides, discolors, and distorts my Focus away from what really matters.
Odds are that I will have to go through this process more than once, like a bad habit. At least now I am aware of it.
I know that I am better near to Him. It’s a start.