Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn—by Dave Barry
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
- There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.” (for fishermen and golfers)
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- You should not confuse your career with your life. (Note to self!)
- Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance. (sometimes I still have trouble with this one)
- Never lick a steak knife.
- The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
- You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
- There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
- The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.
- A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) (self analysis…am I mean to wait staff?)
- Your friends love you anyway.
- Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new.
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.