When I first came on staff at GCC my initial reaction was “I am not worthy” and I would bet that many of my co-workers probably felt the same about themselves initially. I felt so much like a fraud that I typed what I believed was my story and gave copies of it to the two Pastors that I would be “reporting” to. This thing was (I believe)21 pages, typed, single spaced. I was certain that they would change their minds, but here it is 2 years and 20 days later and I am still here.
Today, driving into work I was listening to a CD of some worship music and the words rang true and helped me realize how much I have changed. I am ABSOLUTELY worthy of my position. It is not that I am any better than anyone else on the planet, but I realize now that I am EQUAL to everyone else on the planet. I matter and I deserve everything that I accomplish. God loves me just as much as he loves (in no particular order) Mother Theresa, Warren Buffet, Mark Beeson, Oprah Winfrey, Charles Manson, Adolf Hitler, the homeless Vietnam Vet that I see pushing a cart every day down Sample St, my children, my spouse, your children, your spouse, our parents, my siblings, etc. I am no better and I am no worse, but only by Gods gift of his Son and the sacrifice made by Christ is that true. Which not only makes me worthy, it makes me grateful (for all things), less judgemental (of myself and others), more forgiving (of myself and others) but most importantly – more accepting of myself which makes me more accepting of others.
I look back at what I believed to be “My Story” and realize that the things that I thought made me undeserving were really not as BIG and AWFUL as I thought they were. Heck, some of it was not mine to feel bad about! Were there things I wish I had not done? Yes, but can’t everyone say that?
Wow, have I grown or what?!?!