Inaction. Really?

You know, sometimes it just sucks being human.  So limited in our abilities compared to the One we were made to be the image of and yet we attempt to make ourselves responsible for things beyond our limitations.   (Can you tell that I am talking about myself yet?)

It is funny when you discover your weaknesses.  I found that I am capable of handling many things and I don’t generally take criticism as anything more than constructive and rarely do I take things personally.  However, in the face of the possibility that I have CAUSED stress or hurt…IT WRECKS ME.

I think it funny that I am in the middle of two things at church, a series called How To Wreck Your Life and a spiritual growth group based on a book The Me I Want To Be.   I have learned that I have what is called a Spiritual Inhibitor and mine apparently is INACTION.  I was not seeing it and neither did anyone I asked.  So I was trying to see where that plays out in my life and asked God to show me.  I realized that deep down, I know that it is a part of me and I actually OVERCOMPENSATE by actually RUSHING to action for fear of not acting.  I don’t like having weaknesses.  I tend to try to flip them.  Sometimes this does not turn out very well.  In speech or in action.  When pressed, I might just rush THROUGH something that I should have taken more time THINKING about for fear of overthinking it and then become unsure and then ignore it and do nothing.

Sometimes an immediate response may not necessarily be the best one.  I know that my intentions are good, but my actions or words don’t match them.

Then, I beat myself up about it.

I am growing here people, I am growing.  Apparently when I asked God to show me where my “spritual inhibitor” played out in my life…he provided a week in which I had to deal with it a couple of times.  YAY ME!

Dear God,

I think I have learned what you wanted me to see.  Thank you for answering my prayer.  Would it be possible to end the lesson here?

In Jesus name, Amen!

Rope Calls and Relationships

I enjoy a good analogy, especially when it is bundled with learning about something new like…rock climbing.  Of course leave it to Mark Beeson to create such an opportunity at SWAT (our weekly staff meeting: Staff Working As Team)

So, today Mark drew an image of a rock climber on the side of a rock face and another person on top of the rock/cliff – whatever and explained that part of rock climbing safely includes certain “calls” and to understand the rest of my post you might want to know the definition of the word “belay” that is:  to turn a rope round an object or person in order to secure it or him. (apparently belaying can be done from the cliff top or the ground with an anchor properly placed in the the top of the rock)

So, before a climber begins to climb, they call to the person that is belaying:

“On Belay!” and then wait for the response of

 “Belay On!”

Then they call out

“Climbing!” and wait for the response of

“Climb!” (or I have also found “Climb On!”)

And thus begin the process of working their way up the rock.  The person belaying is constantly pulling up the slack of the rope.  If in the event the climber feels himself falling he is supposed to call out:

“Falling!”

[so, here is the POINT of the message and what I loved about Mark’s analogy]

If you’re not TIGHT with the one that is holding you, meaning that if there is alot of slack in the rope and they are oblivious to your climb, then you are going to fall long and fall hard.  But if you’re tight, you only fall 3 inches, the rope stretches six and you bounce a bit but you are okay and you can continue climbing.

Here is where I went with the analogy:

Look at that through your Relationships filter. 

Are you “tight” with your friends?

Married people, are you “tight” with your spouse?

Kids are you “tight” with your parents, your  friends?

Are you “tight” with your church community?

Are you “tight” with Christ?

Whoever it is that you believe you are connected to, that you believe will notice when you start falling (even if you don’t have the clear thought of calling out the word “FALLING!”), are you “tight” enough for them to notice when it happens or did you start climbing up a rock that they were unaware of ? 

If the answer to that last question was “yes”, it’s not too late to get “tight” – there is  one rope call that Mark Beeson left off, actually there are several but, the one  you can call up to have someone pull up all of the slack and hold on because a possible fall is anticipated:

“Tension!” 

You have to stay connected, you have to call out.  You.

 “LORD, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”  “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “LORD, save me!”  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

~Matthew 14:28-31 (NIV)

I drank the Kool-Aid…

and moved my blog to WordPress.   I feel so grown up!  Sort of like when I gave up MySpace and switched to Facebook entirely.  This is where all the MATURE people blog.  Right?  Maybe not.  I simply know that I could not get the features and appearance over at my OTHER location that I can here. 

Now that I have moved into my new home…I expect gifts.

The heart of Jane

I love my job.

We meet on Wednesdays as a team and part of that is sharing stories where we have seen God. I want to share this but I know I wont be able to without blubbering so I will share it here.

I received a voicemail that was 4 minutes and 50 seconds long from a lady (I will call her Jane) seeking financial assistance to pay a utility bill. The hard part of my job is that quite often I have to tell people “No” and try to redirect them to other community resources. With a database that shows 50,000 people in the community call this church theirs, you can imagine how many requests we receive for assistance.

So I took a deep breath and dialed the phone. This call surprised me. After I told her that we could not help her and discussed her options her words to me showed that she is listening and taking in what she hears at the services. Jane stated that she understood that her free will put her in this position and she is owning that.

Jane is a recovering alcoholic who just celebrated a year being sober. Her ex husband is an alcoholic and is dying from liver disease. She is living with friends because she cannot afford to have her utilities turned on and her son has to stay with his Dad during this time because of it. it is a very emotionally difficult situation for them all.

She shared that this church is the first one that her autistic son actually enjoys and can pay attention to. His love of this church brought her to Christ. She has been attending for about 6 months.

She then started to tell me a story. One of a new friend (they just met a couple months ago) that she brought to our church who enjoyed the services because it reminded her of her own church. Their friendship progressed at mach speed and apparently this friend endures dialysis daily and needs a kidney transplant. The friend recently gave Jane her Bible and told her a bunch of scriptures that she needed to pay attention to. She recently started mentioning to Jane that she is looking forward to seeing the Kingdom of God. This is the part of the story where Jane began to cry.

Jane was flabbergasted because recently she made the decision to go and be tested to see if she were a match to be able to give her friend a kidney. She mentioned that a year ago she would not have even considered doing something like that. The friend somehow put her off. She is now in a coma. She is currently being kept alive with the help of machinery. Jane realized that the friend knew and the doctors confirmed that this late in the game the odds of her body accepting a transplanted kidney were slim, but the one thing that Jane is taking away from the experience is how much her friend was looking forward to being with God. That she is not afraid to die. I am taking away how much God is working in the heart of Jane.

Who I am

Who am I?

Many years ago in a college writing class my assignment was to write an essay about who I am. I was a genius of course and wrote all kinds of questions and answers about how at such a young age of only 22 years I could hardly write about who I am when I have not lived long enough to fully understand who I am and contemplated that I will never really know the answer until the day that I take my last breath.

I got an A+ on that paper. Can you believe we were not even required to TYPE it! Oh how times have changed.

So, 16 years later…I still believe I was right, maybe now a little less pompous

To answer that question now…again, oh have times (and I) changed:

I believe that I am a middle class, thirty something white female born into a family with hardworking parents hoping as most parents do that their children will succeed on a higher level than their own. Have I succeeded to the extent that my parents had dreamed? Probably not monetarily, but I do not measure my value or success in that way. Not any longer.

I measure myself against the families next door, across the street, in the poorer and richer neighborhoods as well as royalty, celebrities, superstars, rock stars, doctors, lawyers, janitors, waitresses, strippers, drug dealers, murderers, pedophiles, prostitutes, drug addicts, and homeless. I measure myself against them and find myself their equal.

No better.

No worse.

I measure my value by the love given to me. Not the love from my husband, parents, children or friends, though it is love that I cherish and am thankful for, but rather from believing in God and more importantly the relationship I have with Him because “belief” is not enough. He loves me. He loves all of us, including and not limited to those that I earlier stated that I measure myself against. I follow Christ and though I sometimes stumble, trip or even fall in His footsteps, I will continue to pick myself up, ask for forgiveness, dust myself off and keep following that narrow path. Because of the relationship that He and I have, I know that no matter what I do, He loves me and His love is not increased or diminished by my own actions.

That love, it is the only measure of a man that I need consider. It is there for me and for you, no matter who you are. We are equal.

Thoughts in and out of surgery

Why do they have to ask you first thing when you enter if you need to use the rest room?
Why am I fine until they ask that?
Love the gown. The oxygen tube is a nice touch.
Why am I nervous? It’s JUST an elbow.
Where is my husband?
Does the I.V have to go in my hand?
Oh my WORD! I don’t remember I.V.s hurting so bad.
It wouldn’t thread? What does that mean?
Yeah, go ahead and try the hand. I would LOVE a local.
Really, red hair and freckles is a sign someone is hard to stick? Good to know.
Third times a charm.
Really, I was kidding about the foot.
It’s okay, I understand that you don’t have a road map to my veins.
Finally.
Where is my husband?
DUDE that hurts!
DUDE!
Wow, thats cool. How do you make the lights do that?
Ow! What was that? That light effect is REALLLY cool!
Hi honey! When did you get here? Was I snoring?
Will you hold my hand? You are?
My hand feels like it is on my stomach, will you please put it there, it is freaking me out to see it THERE and feel it THERE.
Hi Doc! You want me to pray? I cant put a thought together let alone a prayer!
OHHHH you’re gonna pray. That would be SWEET! Thank you.
Amen.
Love you honey.
OH My WORD! Do they have to keep it Arctic in operating rooms!
I am freezing!
More drugs…okay.
I need to pee.
Yes, I can Stand I need to pee!
Okay, it is a little uncomfortable having you in here, I don’t even let my husband see me pee.
Huh?
What?
Yes I remember going to the bathroom.
What time is it?
Yeah, I’m ready lets go.
When will I feel my arm again?
Why has my block not worn off yet?
This is irritating.
My block is wearing off.
When will my meds start working?
I must be a wuss. Why aren’t these meds working?
OH MY GOD, Help me, this hurts worse than labor!
Three. Okay, I will take 3. No I don’t think I will need THAT!
Okay, yeah we can remove the splint on day 3.
That’s attractive.
Honey will you wash my arm?
How am I going to do my hair?
This sucks!
Lets put the splint back on.
I wonder if I can drive.
Why do they allow your fingers to be free but not in a way that I can type with them?
Typing one handed sucks.
I need to talk to my doctor.
I knew I was going to be a pain in the *****

True Friends..

This actually took place. This is a re-enactment and a precise quote.

Date: Sept 17, 2008

Location: the mini-van

Setting/Participants: Paige is sitting in the third row passenger seat. Breanna and Alexa are sitting in the captain’s chair passengers seats. Dave is driving and I am riding shotgun.

Paige: (I have no idea what she said or did…it is really not relevant)

Alexa to Breanna: “See why I like your sister? She’s COOL” “I wish I had a cool sister, instead…I have yyyou.” (In the final sentence, the way she said “you” sounded close to “Eeww”)

—————————–

Best friends are awesome!

HI ALEXA!

Miss Crazy is Driving!

Is it okay to cry when your baby calls to tell you that she passed her driving test. Well, I hope so because that is what I am doing.

Very happy…it’s been something we practically had to push her into doing. Now that it is a reality, it is just one step closer to her being a grown up.

These are times when being a parent actually hurts your heart.

The struggle between wanting them to stay young forever and wanting them to grow up and go into the world and experience life as an adult.

Moments like this…SUCK!

Not really… more accurate description is “bittersweet”

Like Dark Chocolate…I think I will go find some. Dark Chocolate makes me happy.

Blatant GodTube Promo

So many people spend hundreds of hours on YouTube… there is some great stuff there.

I like YouTube.

I was speaking with Ted Bryant today (he is half of the phenomenal couple that facilitates Beyond I Do at Granger Community Church) and he shared with me that he would be using a clip called “Inheritance” from GodTube in their presentation.

So I checked it out. It is pretty darned cool.

Check out these two awesome videos that you can see on GodTube:

Everything

Inheritance